The Great Wall
How is it possible that this is getting both harder and easier? I noticed today that I positively do no care about the cancer. Not right now, anyway. And all there is is right now. I suppose if you really want a life lesson in living in the present, sticking a tube down the throat of someone you adore halfway across the world is a sure way to learn it. The chaos and minutiae of daily life--both good and bad--disappear with the roar of airplane engines, only to be replaced by these hand squeezes, these nods, these blinks. This moment.
They got three liters of fluid out yesterday and were aiming for four today, which is working because Dr. McLuckie was very happy with his chest X-ray. It has improved significantly since Wednesday. She still won't commit to an extubation date (this woman would make a FANTASTIC poker player), but I don't think it will happen before we leave on Sunday (and by the way, we booked Mom an excellent deal on a nearby hotel room for the next four weeks).
Liver function is (and always has been) fine; dialysis is chugging along; he took a run at the tube again (but didn't try to pull a Rocky Balboa on anyone this time, thank goodness) so the sedation got turned up a notch--but that's okay. And although there is still no sign of infection, he is now essentially at zero white blood cells.
So while we wait for healthy new ones to grow, let's build him a protective fortress of positive energy and prayer, shall we, Team Eric? We'll take anything from a suit of armor to the Great Wall of China, as long as it will keep any nasty germs away.
And, um...just on a selfish note, I have to ask for a little something for myself this time. I've been able to keep our imminent departure at arm's length until today...but now, every time I think about it, I want to cry. I don't think I'm strong enough to leave him. When I told my mom this, she said, "I think Dad would want you to go home and take care of your family and do your job as excellently as you have been. There's more than one way to fight, honey. And you can keep fighting even when you're not by his bedside." So. If you can spare it, send me the strength to fight, would you please?
We love you all. This mountain would be insurmountable without Team Eric.